I'm Anne, But People Call Me Sugar

I got up this morning like always, ready to greet the day. Happy and refreshed. When I looked out the window, all I saw was opportunity. That’s generally the way I feel when I get up, and it should be like that for everyone, not just us dogs.

Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t all tail wagging, eating and sniffing. We can’t just get up and go about our business like you humans do. If you’re a house dog (like me, but please don’t ever, EVER call me a “pet” because that’s a derogatory term for us … but how would you know right?), you have to rely on your human for certain things.

My human is Daisy. Everyone calls her Rebecca, but if you’re a dog, you know that’s a stupid name for a human; Daisy is much more appropriate. Full disclosure, my real name isn’t Sugar, it’s Anne (with an “e”) but of course, when Daisy/Rebecca acquired me, she never asked me my given name. She just looked at me and dubbed me “Sugar.” So, I call her Daisy out of spite, though she’ll never know.

My life now (since the acquisition) is a bit like being in Witness Protection: I was taken from a bad situation, given a new home and identity, and I’ll never again have any contact with anything or anyone from my previous life.

I’m not bitter … well, maybe a little, but what good comes from being bitter? So, I push it down deep and always act as I’m expected, with loyalty, unconditional love and a wagging tail whenever Daisy comes home.

Shortly after moving in, I learned Daisy can’t wake up on her own. Like so many humans, she completely stresses herself out during the day, with barely any time to get from one thing to the next. Then, at nighttime, she does her sleeping all at once, which also means she hates getting up in the morning because she has to do that stuff all over again. We (dogs) never feel that way; we love both sleeping AND waking up, and when we’re together, we talk often about how we have it so much better than humans.

Humans like to say, “One day for us is the same as seven days for a dog.” I’m here to tell you that’s a crock. A day is a day, whether you’re a human, a dog, an ant, a great white shark or a coffee mug. And when I watch humans, it seems like they’re the ones trying to cram a week’s worth of stuff into every day, not us. It doesn’t make sense. They can’t seem to slow down, even when their smart gadgets are telling them they need to do a better job at living; to stop and “smell the hydrants,” as it were.

While it’s true, we dogs get fewer days in this place, it doesn’t create a sense of urgency for us. We live every moment “in the moment.” We don’t make to-do lists, bucket lists or think about how many hydrants, trees and other dogs’ butts we want or need to sniff before we die, or even today. We don’t wonder if the boss likes us or if we made our friends mad because we didn’t make it to Happy Hour on Thursday. (BTW, for us, every hour is Happy Hour.) We don’t live to work or work to live, and we really don’t care if it’s the weekend.

It’s just that we have a greater appreciation for the time we have and try to sap as much fun, comfort, satisfaction, sniffing and quality sack time as we can out of every moment. By my observation, humans don’t do that.

No, we dogs just take what each day brings us, and we enjoy it. We love to eat, sniff, bark (most of the time happily, but sometimes to protect ourselves or others), find sticks, dig holes, chase balls (yes, sometimes we do it for ourselves and not just to make you happy), take walks and look out the window.

Now, it’s not all fun and freedom. As domesticated animals, we must rely on our humans for things like going out to pee or poop. And we can’t just eat whenever we want. And sometimes, we’re told to stay off certain items of furniture, or not to chew on certain pieces of clothing. But overall, it’s a good life.

Why do I tell you all this? A couple reasons. First of all, I just thought it was about time you started hearing the dog story from our perspective. Of course, I don’t represent all dogs, and I’d be either a fool or a narcissist (or both) if I thought I did.

Do I love Daisy/Rebecca? Of course I do, but not in the way you might think. And I think I speak for most dogs (at least the law-abiding ones) when I say I appreciate that you (humans) have domesticated us … to an extent. But sometimes, we get resentful because we think you expect too much of us. After all, we’re animals.

On the other hand, I expect little of you. After all, you’re human, and let’s be honest, humans as a species just aren’t that impressive, especially given the massive intellects you have and the power you wield. We often talk among ourselves (with other dogs and also outside our species; yes, animals are multilingual), and we’re blown away that for all you’ve accomplished, sometimes the simplest things pass you by and turn into big problems.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself to you. I was thinking maybe I’d make this a semi-regular “dog blog,” if Dave invites me again. You probably think I’m not a very good writer, but please remember this: I’m a dog, so this is hard for me. (You try and type with paws.)

Anyway, please be kind to animals … and to one another. Now, I have to go. I think my human is finally out of bed and I REALLY need to pee.